The Pastor's Wife


My wife and I spent an evening this past week doing a little counseling with another married couple. During the course of our conversation I mentioned to them that couples should never stop dating each other. Married couples need to set aside time each week to go out. I mentioned that when they go out they should ask each other what they needed to do to be a better husband or a better wife. Who better to tell you how to be a better husband than your own wife? Who better to tell you how to be a better wife than your husband? The truth is we might be surprised by our mate's answers.

I've been thinking about that conversation for the last few days. There are lot's of people who offer up opinions on what makes a great pastor's wife. The Bible says nothing really about the role of 'Pastor's Wife' but it is very clear about what a wife should be. I think the best person to define what makes a great pastor's wife might be the pastor.

God has blessed me with a wonderful wife. I can't imagine doing ministry without her by my side. What is expected of her as the pastor's wife? It's very simple really, just be my wife. She fulfills that role expertly. She is my best friend, my counselor, my honey, my confidant, the mother of my children, she is my everything. I'm sure that she is very special, there is no doubt in my mind that God gives special grace to some women that enables them to be great pastor's wives.

A few days ago I woke around 6:00 a.m. to the sound of quiet voices. Kathy and Beth were huddled near the wall furnace outside our bedroom door reading the scripture and praying. A warm feeling came over me as I listened to my wife gracefully fulfill her role as 'the pastor's wife'. Later that night we went for a drive and grabbed a cup of coffee and I shared some burdens I was carrying. She lovingly assured me that God would show me what to do and would make a way. Again, she was fulfilling the role of 'pastor's wife' and doing a great job.

It is very important that we understand that the pastor's wife is just that, she is the pastor's wife not the churches' wife. Pastor's must passionately protect their wives from being pulled in too many directions. God gave our wives to us and we are to love and protect them. Our ministry must never come at the expense of our wife or family.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

_BOB0121a.jpg, originally uploaded by Magic Pic.

...I'm not sure who to thank for boys. My second daughter turned 16 last month and the boys started calling to ask permission to date her. One called the night before her birthday and asked if he could date Alyssa and I just flat said "NO" to which he responded "why?". I told him that she wasn't sixteen yet and so he asked if he could call me back in the morning. I managed to avoid the punk for two more weeks but finally caved in and scheduled an appointment for him to meet me in my office to talk. Now THAT was fun! My evil sadistic side was allowed to be released for a few short minutes that must have seemed like an eternity to this young man.

Being a father is one of the greatest things in life. Our children are a blessing from God and one of our greatest responsibilities in life. Time has a way of getting away from us so it is so important to make the most of every moment with our families. I have three lovely daughters and I'm very proud of all three of them. It is not easy growing up in the pastor's home but they have not only survived, they have thrived.

I have had people praise Kathy and I for our parenting and others who have strongly criticized us for being too strict and sheltering our girls. I'm honestly more concerned with what God thinks. He trusted them to us and it is our job to deliver them back to Him as healthy young adults on a mission to serve Him. So far, so good. I want to stand before God one day, as a steward of these beautiful young ladies, and hear Him say, "Well Done"!

Alyssa's Sixteenth Birthday Photos

Why Do Little Girls Have To Grow Up?

Patricia and Beth, originally uploaded by CalPastor.

My oldest daughter Beth (on the right) is soon to be 19 and I have to be honest I hate that she is growing up. She just gets more beautiful every day, inwardly and outwardy. It just seems like yesterday I was pushing her on the swings. I'm very proud of the young lady that she has become. It's strange when your children become adults. She will always be my little girl, but now that she is an adult she is also a good friend. I love spending time with her. I have to battle with the Evil Knight (Her boyfriend Kyle) to get time with her these days but it's worth fighting for.

OK, So I'm bragging on one of my kids! It's my BLOG! I can do that if I want to.


Friends Forever

60_percent_mask_1 We all need friends! This world can be a very lonely place without friends. I am fortunate enough to be married for 21 years to my best friend. She has always been at my side, no matter what the road ahead looked like. Kathy is the benchmark against which all of my friendships are measured. That sets a pretty high standard! I'm spoiled, I know, but God's the one who gave her to me. I have been blessed with an in-house example of friendship.

Let me make two recommendations regarding friendship. First, always start with your mate. Your husband or wife should always be your 'best friend'. Get that one right and your other friendships will be better. Second, focus more on "being" a good friend rather than "having" a good friend. (Proverbs 18:24)

Let me share with you what I consider most important in friendships.

  • Unconditional Love - We used to sing a hymn in church that said, "There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No not one. No not one". Don't expect your friends to be perfect! Your friend is not Jesus and therefore your friend is not perfect. Love them when they're right, love them when they're wrong. That makes for a solid friendship!
  • Unending Commitment - Proverbs 17:17, "Friends love through all kinds of weather..." Good friends stand together through the good times and the bad times. Come rain or shine, Kathy has always been there for me. I know that she is committed to me and there is so much comfort in just knowing that.
  • Unquestionable Loyalty - Friends have each other's backs! They look out for each other. Never allow others to speak ill of your friends. David expressed frustration in Psalm 41:9 about a friend who turned against him. Friends are able to separate the person from the problem.
  • Unbroken Communication - One of the keys to any relationship is communication. If we stop communicating we stop growing. There will always be issues and differences in friendships. Even though friends may be very close and have much in common, they are still different. Good friends maintain communication and both benefit from it!
  • Unselfish Giving - The greatest friends are those who are not there to get something from you. Some relationships drain us! Good friendships are mutually beneficial. The give and take just comes naturally. There is no effort to it, it just happens. Great friends don't want something from you, they just want you. They don't care if you are perfect, pretty, or performing.

Again, the key is to focus on "being" this kind of friend. My wife has set a great example for me. I recently sat down and thought about our relationship and these were the things I thanked God for most. These are the same things I want to focus on in all of my relationships.