Disclaimer: Keep in mind when you read this post that I am still suffering from a head cold and under the influence of cold medicine. I cannot be held responsible for the following movie review.
Please, somebody help me! We sat down to watch a DVD today. A classic I'm told. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I just don't have any class. Maybe I lack sophistication? Have I just not been exposed to fine art? Am I hopeless? Please, somebody tell me you feel the same way!
I bought The Phantom of The Opera several months ago and finally, out of boredom, decided to watch it today! Wow! Am I missing something? This was probably the most boring, annoying, agonizing time I've ever spent in front of a television. Is it just the movie? Is the play better?
Being a dude, I just kept thinking, "How could I fix this movie?". I think the opera was what I hated most about the movie. Maybe get rid of the opera? Then it would just be The Phantom. That might be cool. Phantom-boy's costume was pretty cool until he started singing like a girl. I did kind of like the song, The Music of The Night. I'll probably deny it if asked though.
Maybe we could turn this movie into a rock opera, have Gene Simmons from KISS be the phantom guy. He would look cool with his KISS makeup on. Heavy metal music! Screaming fans, driving drums, killer guitar riffs! That might help. I don't really like rap music, but maybe a rap version of The Phantom would help me appreciate both rap music and The Phantom.
I love a good comedy? Adam Sandler as The Phantom. I love it! Drew Barrymore (anything with Drew is worth watching) could play the role of Christine. Bob Barker could do a cameo role, get into a fight with Sandler, ala Happy Gilmore (now that's a good movie). I don't know, it just needs to be fixed!
Then it hit me! It needs two masks! I think the only way to fix this flick is to bring in Jason. Friday The 13th: The Final Opera. We all love a good scary movie now and then. Man, this just might work. Have Jason chase these opera people around backstage. Have the music start, but no singer to sing...a little suspense music to keep you on the edge of your seat, then BAM! Dead body falls from the balcony.
Never mind! I'll just find another movie to watch. Why mess with a classic? Gotta go!